Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Going back to work 2morrow

Uhh, Dreading going back to work 2morrow, these past 2 days off have been soo free!!! But 2morrow kicks off a harsh week. 9AM-8PM shifts for Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, then Saturday its 9AM-11PM, a good little 14 hour shift should be fun, fuck. Well I guess its money, and thats what I need/want, so its all good and worth it in the end. So yeah I did prety much shit all all day 2day again, except Dave got here 2day, awsome!!! And Laura came over around 8ish, and its now 1:24AM and she left like 10 mins ago, so.... yeah an other good night with her, got to talk things out again,(always good to do, keeps everything in order, makes sure nothing unexpected pops up). But yeah, its good to be able to talk to her too, It really prevents future problems I find, but anyway, I doubt we'll have any. So yeah I guess theres not too much to report really, Works work, and this weekend is gonna be full of it , and full of partying, I just hope I dotn get fired for being to fucked up for my 14 hour shift on saturday, I know I'll still be messed up, fuck!!! Ah well, we'll see how it goes.. anyway, till then.... l8a days

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Graduation night....

Well..... Now that graduation night is over im pretty content. At the beginning I wasnt looking forward to it, but not im prety toasted, having a good munch on, then gonna go to bed and sleep in till when ever the fuck I want, should be a good time, but on to my night....Well, it started out with me being woken up by Kim Macnevin at around 8:15Am. She was all upset because she lost her wallet at grad party and was wondering if I saw it. And of corse I had NO IDEA!!!! Like what? I didnt know what it looked like, she didnt say anthing the whole time I was there, and I left before she did that mornign. But anyway,m after that I cut the grass, pretty good time. Listened to music, and got some good old fasion excercise. Then went to sleep till around 5:30ish then went to my graduation ceremony there, fucking BORING!!!, I mostly pl;ayed games on my phone, but anyway... After that I went home and nothing happened. I opened my graduation presents from my parents, my grand mother, and my aunt. Turned out to be 240$$ altogether, which was awsome!!!, 5 of it went to Pat. to which I owed him, 20 for some marijuana that I wanted to smoke!!, So I did that with Pat and one of his friends, then played Mario Golf on Game Cube, pretty sweet, then I biked home and now im ehre munchin out, haveing a good time, Except that Laura didnt call me 2ngiht, and she left work early. I dont knwo whats going on, but I hope shes ok, but anyway, i'llprolly talk to her 2morrow, andyways, l8a days... wait, I just thought of something... she had to do some "responsible server corse thing 2day, maybe she left work early for it.... Anyway, just a ranfom thought at the end, sorry my bad...

Monday, June 27, 2005

A Nice first day off

Wow, its now 10:01 AM on Monday June 27th. I got home yesturday from work around 9ish, which wasnt too bad, considering I worked an 11 hour shift on 3ish hours of sleep and had to bike there and back, but it was all good. So I got home and just crashed solid!, well, around 11ish that is, I tried my hardest to get ahold of my friends to go out and do something so I could stay awake that much longer but it was no use. Jamison was at a Graduation BBQ, and Pat didnt answer, and I knew Laura was with Allyson so I figured why not sleep? so thats what I did, and damn it felt some good!!!!!! Actuel, Real, SLEEP!!!, felt soo good, well till around 8something when my phone rang. Fuck I was just thinking "Who the fuck is calling me at 8somethin on my first fucking day off..." But anyway, it was Kim,(my prom date,lol) and she wasnt happy at all... The good thing was it wasnt my fault or anything like that, (I dont think she read the e-mail I wrote her yet, which is good cuz that coulda made thigns a bit different) but yeah she had lost her wallet at grad party. And once she told me this I was like "well, honestly, what can I do here?"I didnt say that but I was thinking it. Like really, what could I do? I told her I'd ask my friends and stuff but thers no guarentees, but yeah she managed to ramble for like 10 mins(fucking taking up 10 of my day time But yeah anyway, so thats done and done, and Im here now sitting on my comp, doing nothing, trying to get some energy up so I can cut my lawn for my dad, fuck I really dont want to do it, but I guess I already told him I would, so I should prolly get to it. Anyway, Im gonna go do that then take a long ass shower then head back to bed, so anyway, thats my plan for now, so I guess I'll write more later...

Sunday, June 26, 2005

The Recovery day....

Wow, so I got home this morning at around 8somethingAM, Came inside, talked to mom and dad for like 20 mins(I was still fucked to shit, but it was funny cuz I did such a good job hiding it that my dad said he was proud that I was sober!!! LMFAO!!!). Anyway, they left at something like 9ish, so I had the house to myself, so I lied down on my bed, and turned my music on full blast, shut my door, and put the fan on, and just chilled to random music. I have a pretty wide veriety of music now, and I just let it ramdomly play, and its soo relaxing, the bass in the speekers is soo sweet. So yeah after that I waited around till 10 so I ccould call Laura. Called her, and when you call her in the morning, its like talking to some one whose totally wasted, shes soo messed up right when she wakes up, doesnt konw whats going on, how to speek, what to say, anything, its awsome!! Then I walked around my house for a while till around 12ish, and by that time I was kidna tired so I went to sleep till 2ish, woke up, walked around the house for a bit, then went back to bed. slept until 5:30 when Patrick Toole called me and asked meif I wanted to go skateboard at the skatepark. so I met up with him and Josh Sellar and we skated till around 8ish when Laura called me and told me she was going to Baretts and he said that I was already going... So of corse I had to go, Laura picked me up and drove me to His place, to which I only returned from around half an hour ago, and its 3:45AM, So Im running on close to no sleep, so im going to go to sleep now for the next 4 horus till I have to wake up and bike to work for an 11 hour shift. LOL, have a good one, l8a days...

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Prom/Grad party

Wow, what a crazy night!!!! Holy crap, where do I even start? jesus, ok, so we went to Prom, got a shitload of pictures and stuff, then went in and stuff, chilled tilll around 11, which was kool cuz I got to talk to lots of ppl that I hadnt talked to in a whille. Anyway, we left prom at 11, and drove me home to take off my tux and shti, then stopped at wills, then went to Joshs for directions. Anyway, we made it out to Grad Party at like 12ish... And at first it was kool, lots of ppl I knew and stuff. pretty good time. THen Chris Weeks showed up! Fuck man I had a good couple hour long chat with him all night. I think he had a fairly good time considering he was trying/and succeding on breaking up fights. Him and Kenny kept some order to the whole thing, if they could possibly stop something, they would/did. It was crazy, anyway, yeah so I saw soo many pppl there, like Phil, Kevin, Paul, Travis, oh god I cant even think of all their names, just like saw eveyrone, and told them how awsome I thought they were and stuff:P, trying to be all happy and such, it was pretty kool.
But yeah, holy crap, I knew I'd have to beat the girls away with a stick, but this was kinda crazy. Well sorta, there was only a couple of girls, but they were really trying, lol, but I rejected them all solid:P, it was kinda funny, but I felt bad at the same time, cuz I knew Kim really did want to have sex last night, but really, I couldn't let her do it, not with me, or anyone, fuck she was way too drunk. Especially for her first time, fuck, im still a virgin, but I definetly think it wouldnt be a wise idea to lose your virginity when your wasted out of your mind at grad party just cuz you think you can. She might have really wanted to, but still, Could not be done. But anyway, I didnt have any misshaps or run ins with ppl that I should have, No one tried to fight me, which was cool cuz someone told me a lot of ppl actuelly did want to fight, but it was cool cuz no one did anything. So yeah, all and all it was a pretty good night, Talked to Jamison, and Pat and all them, chilled with J-Rod for a while, lol holy fuck, dont get me started on J-Rod. Oh god he went up to any random person and asked them if they wanted to make out, and he got like 7 ppl some guys, some girls, mostly girls, but still, fuck man he was tanked. Drank way too fast again, but anyway, I dont think the did anything major, or anything too stupid. Ah, Im kidna gettin tired, I should prolly go now, but fuck I cant sleep now, it'll ruin my day, i'll just try to push it out till 2night, then just sleep alot 2night. that oculd make good sence eh? Uhh well, Im gonna go do that, try to find something constructive to do, Maybe Barett will call me to go to the beach, he said he was going to yesturday, but I dont think he will, anyways, we'll see what happens. L8a days.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

uhh, what a long ass day

So yet again, I didnt sleep last night, went straight to work this omrnign at 9, had a super long day, lol, but it was funny as hell cuz I was still pretty fucked up, and everyone knew it and jsut laughed along. if only they knew how fucked up I really was. Anyway, after work I went to this stupid grad rehersal thing which was funny cuz I was like 15 mins late, and when I walked in, everyone was wlaking out and I saw Jamison and Jarod, and they just yelled at me to run, so I ran outside and they met up wiht me and told me to go with them to the student parking lot. So when I got there with them, they told me that it was just a huge joke and all they were gonna do was walk into the cafeteria and listen to lots of stupid fucking speeches, so Jamison and Jarod went home and I went to get my tux with my mom. After I got my tux Patrick Toole, Josh Sellar, Sebastian, and Max called me asking if I could get them alcohol for 2morrow night. So I called Laura and she agreed to get it for them, and we did just that. Then afterwords I went to Lauras place for a bit, and after sitting there for like 5 mins, we got bored so we decided to rent a movie. So we rented the original Amity Vill Horror, it wasnt too bad, but not half as scary as the new one. Anyway, Laura left not too long ago, and I think Im gonna head to bed now I gotta work in the morning. L8a days.

Baretts B-day

so its around 4:16 AM, im chilin at Baretts place, and everyones alseep, infact this is done, i'l talk later.

So later on this night I wrote on a piece of paper cuz I didnt want to wake anyone up with my loud typing.. it went like this.... "Well, it's 4:24AM, im lying down on Chris and Baretts kitchen floor. No one else is up. Chris is asleep in his bed, Jeff(horse) is on the pull out couch, Mike Buote is on the other couch in the T.V room, and Craig is on the couch in the comp room. And here I am on the kitchen floor, writting this. I guess im still up cuz Im still pretty "energized" cuz I took one at like 10:34, but it didnt start kickin in until around 12:ish. Which was kinda cool cuz my energy kicked in pretty late into the night. It was wierd cuz I didnt even get to fight anyone. For some reason I just wasnt in the mood. Wierd eh?
So, lots of shit went down 2night. THe whole Jeff and Morgan thing... Fuck im not gonna start, but she really threw him for a loop, Poor guy man. Thats all Im gonna say on that topic.
But yeah I gotta work in like 4 and a half hours. It might to be that bad, or it could be very deadly. Considering I have to go to this stupid graduation rehersal shit. Fuck right after work I gotta go to that shit , still tweakin i'll have to do shti for an other hour. Fuck, I dont know what im gonna do here for the next 4 hours. Well I guess 3 since im gonna wake up at 8. Ah well, things will fall into place. Ohh speeking of, I talked to Laura 2night. Not really about anything that I wanted to talk to her about, but I just mjade sure that she's happy, and if there was anything wrong that she could tell me, but thankfully enough, things are going well, shes's happy, im ahppy, were happy 2gether, and I think things will only get better whe3n I move out. She said she'd come by whenever! Whish is awsome cuz thats just what I wanted. Like when I get off work or something , i'll just go home, have a shower, and go tot bed, and she'll just stop by and have a nice snooze with me, should be kool, I think that'll just be a step up from where we are now. HOpefully things will get a bit more seroiouse. Not in the way your thinking. But in the other way,lol, anyways,.... Im kinda running out of paper, so I guess I should end this!, Well heres to Grad Party!!!!.
Finishing Time 4:39 AM Thursday June 23/05"
so yeah, thats what I wrote that night, I would have wrote it directly into my blog, but as I said, Mike was trying to get to sleep and the keyboard is too loud. the end!

Wednesday, June 22, 2005


Well now. I just got back from a little walk, and no I dont mean a nature walk. its only 3:36 AM, im not really tired, but I dont think any one of my friends are up, Lauras proly in bed right now, lol seein how she dropped me off like 20 mins ago, shes prolly long asleep. Laura, I know your going to read this prolly soon, and as much as you'll hate it, im going to reference everything that I want to talk to you about, without actuelly saying it. Not to piss you off or anything, but you'll know someday.

So yeah, Thers Lots of things I want to tell her, and I know I will, most likely soon, considering that they're ongoing events, but I really dont want to tell her, as much as I do, I really dont. Its hard to explain, but I guess the just of it is, that im.... uhh, as much as I hate to say it, scared. Im scared to tell her what im thinking, just because I honestly dont know what she'll say back, and that is what scares me. I cant fully read Laura yet, and I really dont like it. I have to know ppl, thats just my thing, if I dont know them I get frustrated and have to think that much harder to try to figure them out. I dunno, I guess im just fucked in the head, but I cant help it. But yeah, back to the whole Laura thing, dont worry, you'll find out soon enough... She asked me 2night if everything was ok, and I said yes and that she has nothing to worry about, which she really doesnt, but everythings not ok... Im not ok. Im worried, ok, Fuck, it could just turn out to be nothing, but im too caught up in it to just drop it and forget about it, uh, I guess thats why I cant sleep, but I dont want to blame my lac of sleep on it, fuck, I hate blaming my problems on things. Fuck, people do that too much, and I hate it soo much to tell myself never to do it, and here I am... doing just that. I HATE BEING HUMAN!!! As much as I try to tell myself to be what I want to be, I cant. Its soo hard to tell yourself one thing, and think the other. I want to do certain things, but I just cant fucking do it, and it pisses me off. Like why am I being such a pussy and not just talking to Laura. It could be easy, but no, I have to be a stupid fucking human, and be afraid of what she will say. Uh, I better stop now before I get too into that.

So anyway, as much of a big rant I could go into on the many subjects I just covered, I think I should try to get back on track, and get my mind out of that place. So I went to the skatepark this morning with Josh Sellar, Max, Patrick Toole, and Sebastian. KOOL GUYS! They're fucking wicked guys to hang out with, and I really do hope that we keep in touch with them not only for the summer but also through next year, they're all going to UPEI except Josh, and hes going to Hollen College anyway, so im sure we'll be meeting up with them sometime, plus I think they're movin out sometime in August, so we'll keep in touch. Speekin of moving out, shti we better get doing that fast. I gotta be out of this house by then. LOL, I was talking to my dad on the way to work this afternoon and he was going on and on about how he doesnt want me to move out, and how I should stay at this piece of shit house as long as I want to. I was holding back soo much when he asked me why I really wanted to move out. Fuck I wanted soo bad to tell him it was him, The reason why I want to move out is to get away from my mom and dad, I just cant fucking stand them anymore. I hope they realise how much I truely hate them. I know they think everythings fine and all that, but they dont fucking know who I am, they might have many years ago, but if I were to sit down with them, and fill them in on how my life is right now, they wouldnt of seen any of it coming! They would never have dreamed of the things i've done, or thought about, or anything. You'd think a parent of all ppl would pick up on theses things, stuff like all of a sudden not speeking at the house, never talking to them, only answering in yes or no's, a change in eating, the fact taht I wear the same god damn wrist band every fuckign day, the fact that I stay in my room and never associate with anyone in my family, how I stay out all night wiht my friends so I dont have to look at my rents. You'd think someone would reconize these small signs. But hey, I guess ppl just do these things for no reason, and just up and decide to move out, I guess these things just happen. But hey, I dont know, what do I know anyway? Im just a stupid kid who barely graduate(lol fingers crossed) and has nothing going for them and no plan in life, well one that anyone believes anyway. Oh god I hope it goes through. I'd love to rub it in in everyones faces, just to prove to everyone that I AM NOT A FAILURE!!! I may have nothing going for me, and I may not have any motive, reason, drive, thrust, or what ever you wanna call it, the only thing I have now, is something to prove. I know I will most likely not do it, but so help me, im going to try my hardest. If thats all I have now, then thats all I got, and I really gotta show them something.

Well there goes an other useless rant from me, Matt T Richard... Sorry for the waste of time.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

I guess things arent looking that bad...

Well I just got in from Pats place, its now 3:30ish. And 2day was a pretty successfull day. Well this morning was pretty boring, I woke up at like 11, then did shit all till around 1:30 when my mom left, so I drove the car around for a bit, then visited Jamison at his place, just for somethign to do. Which was kool cuz I got to see his lazy ass stoned to shit cutting his huge lawn wiht his ride on lawn mower, it was a pretty awsome sight. Then I drove home and waited to my mom to get back and drive me to work. Which was kool cuz I got to skate for that little amount of time, then work kinda sucked alot, just cuz im working with all these new ppl and there is this one guy Chris who is such a fucking complainer, fuck, he wont do shit when you ask, then says shit like he wasnt trained or some shit. Like he fucked up like 3 pizzas, so we moved him to Pasta, there he fucked up like 6 pastas, so we sent him to prep and he was all pissed about it. like what the fuck. But anyway, James and I shut the place down later on and we were fine. Then Laura drove me home, which was kool, just to talk to her for a bit, ya know in person, without work and stuff. But yeah that was kool then I went online and looked up some M.A stuff, which was awsome cuz I just searched videos on Limewire and got a shitload of kool vids, some training vids of some "shaolin wushu ninja" thing, which was pretty kool, and some other shit im too lazy to write. After getting through a couple vids Pat came online and I asked him if he wanted to do something, and since he didnt have to work 2morrow, he asked if I wanted to go over so I did, and once I got there, we went out side and smoked a bowl, just Pat and I , just like the old times, it was great, then we went inside and chilled and watched some T.V. I must say it was a good time, now I really really cant wait to move out. So yeah, all in all, the shitty day was totally forgotten by an awsome night. And hopefully i'll be seing Batman Begins after work 2morrow with Pat, then hopefully Laura will be done at the exact same time the movies out, then maybe i'll chill with her, thats how my plans going now, lets just hope it works out, heres to hopin.

Monday, June 20, 2005

Sooo bored, summer is falling apart already...

Uhh, its 2:14PM, i've been sitting at home for the past 4 hours since woke up. I've done absolutely nothing 2day besides talk to like 3 ppl on MSN. Holy fuck I cant believe that im actuelly looking forward to work, just for something to do. Uhh, but anyway, the reason this title says "summer is falling apart already" is because theres nothing to fucking do, its already been a week into sumer and I've seen my friends like once, maybe twice, and it was for around 10 mins each time, that plus I dont get to see Laura as much as I did when I was still in school. like what the fuck!? Isnt summer time the time to see your friends more often? hang out with the girlfriend even more? Fuck, I think my friends are mad at me cuz they dotn return my phone calls/txt messages, and Laura never wants to do anything anymore either, so what am I supposed to do? what is there to do? I better start my ninja training soon or else im just gonna be a fat blob of shit by the time summer ends.

But yeah on the topic of Ninja, I think im convinced now that if I can find an actuel ninja master in like China or some crazy shit like that, and if I could dedicate my life to it, i'd do it 2morrow if I could. As soon as I find someone to train me, i've decided that I'd quit my job, say fuck my friends/family and everything else to go and do that. I'd be worth quitting the life im in now, what do I have going for me now? my friends? yeah maybe, but at this point they're not really to concerned about me. My girlfriend? As much as I like her, Shes gonna go on to bigger and better things, plus if she doesnt have much time for me now, it'll only become less with time. Drugs? well if I knew that I'd be trained to kill someone in one move, that'd be worth quitting everything!!! that Plus I'd love for a really good reason to quit, fuck I hate drugs/alcohol, I only turn to them because I hate life, but I guess thats why everyone does it so nevermind. So yeah I guess now my only goal in life is to become a ninja, I dont really have anything else to look forward to, so till then, I've accomplished nothing. The End.

Boring night

So the dry runs started 2day, Which means I woke up at 6:15 and had to be to work for 7:15AM, so I showed up at work at 7:15, worked till around noon, then went to Chris and Baretts to chill for a while till I figured out what I was gonna do for the night, so during my chilling time Joey(my boss) called me and asked if I could come in to "supervise" the pizza line, So thats what I did all night 2night, till 10:30, then waited around for Laura to finish so I could get a ride home. I asked if she wanted to come in for a bit, but I guess she was tired so she just dropped me off. So here I am sitting at home, bored out of my mind, but I dont wanna go to sleep, I only have to work at 4 2morrow, so that means I could sleep all day if I found something to do. I coulda done "something" with Chris and Kenny 2night, but I guess its to late for that now. Anyway, nothing really excitting to report, so im gonna end this now. L8a Days

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Car Theft?

So I just got told!!!! alright, from the beginning this is how the story goes... I got off work 2day at 6:40, Biked home in the rain, no problems there, had a shower , good time, got out of the shower and my rents told me that they were going to a "friends place" and they'd be there till around 12:30 or so. So me being the smart guy that I am, I figured I could take the other car for a while and have it back by around 11:30ish just for something to do. So I head out to Chris and Baretts place and chill there. So im having a good time and stuff, and then the worst sound in the world happens, O Canada starts a ringing... Now O Canada is the best National anthem in the world, but when you hear it coming from my phone, it means only one thing, my parents are calling. Once I heard that I knew I was fucked, oviously they got home and saw that the car was missing and me bing the only one still at the house(Dave moved to Alberta, and Sara's in Europe) they knew it was me. So right then I knew there was no way out of it. But we formulated a good plan that I fallowed through on. My story was Jamison came over and we chilled for a while till Pat called and asked us if we coudl get him a ride home from work, to which I said that Jamison could drive my rents car and pic him up, so thats what I told my mom and she flipped shit!!! Said all this stuff like if we got into an accident that the cops would think he stole the car, and he didnt have insurance and all that shit. Which is total bullshit, but thats besides the point. But anyway, the point is, my rents are dirty tricky little bastards who plan these things just to fuck me over, The End.

Saturday, June 18, 2005


Now, I may be a little bit drunk...but im damn sure of the things im gonna say. Laura, damnit I really really like you... like not just normal like you, I mean really really really like you. And I really mean that, like i've had girlfriends before, and stuff, but they dont even compare to you,I dont even mean for the ovious reasons of you being older, and way more mature, But also in the sence that I can actuelly talk to you for hours on end, that we can talk about the most crazy and dumb shit and not feel too awkward. Like whats that all about? the fact that we can actuelly talk about things. what does that mean? I cant talk to girls about some of the stuff we've talked about before. But your different,,, I know im gonna end up doing something soo fucking stupid to lose you, and I really hope I dont, but im sorry... I really want to appologize now, cuz I really dont deserve you. I know i've told youthtat before, but its soo true, you must know it. I know you told me that me just being me is why you like me, but that doesnt make sence, no one likes me for being me, im just not a likeable person. Uh, theres lots more i'd like to say, but really, I dont think I can do it right now. Im still kinda really drunk, but anyway, I just want you to know I love you, and I really do want to be with you for a long time, I like you, your company, and everything you have to offer me, I only wish I had as much to offer you back, i'll do anything for you, I want you to know that. Anyways, love ya, Matt.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

What The Fuck!?

Can I not get 1 fucking break!? fucking hell, after waking up from a 10 minute sleep at weeksys place last night I went to work fucking dead tired, worked all day wiht only a 15 minute lunch break, then painted from 1ish to 5, when they finally let me go. Lucky me I got to leave at 5 and bike home in the rain, fuck. Death would be a sweet escape right about now.

what a bad wednesday........

Well, how do I even start? I guess its 2:17AM on wednesday June 16/2005! Damnit I know whats going on, I just dont want it to being happening. I can fully see, hear, smell, feel, taste, what ever!, anything thats happening now I can handle. fuck, ok, lets actuelly try to see my day.... Ok, I wake up at 7:30 this morning to get up and bike to work. thats fine I bike to work it took only around 15 mins or so, not too shabby for the first bike of the summer. Work goes fine, just a rgular day I guess, drinkin lots of coffee and that kinda jazzz. Then after work at like 5ish, I come down here(Chris and Baretts) just to chill for a bit. Then Chris says hes got some acid if I wanna try it. Now i've always wanted to try acid, and the fact taht the opertunity came up is prolly one of the only reasons I picked 2night to do it. But anyway thats beside the point, so I took a hit and a half at like 5:30, then 6 rolls around and we(Chris and I) decide to finish off our acid, just to what ever... So I take the rest of mine,(like rougly 3 hits) at 6, and from 6-9sh I felt pretty good, like I was climbing the walls and all that crazy shit, gettin on the roof, just running around and shit, havign a pretty good time. Then, I dunno, The rest of the day just kinda unfolded infront of me. It's wierd cuz now Im just looking at everything a bit differntly, like I went outside for a good half an hour or so just by myself, outside on the deck thinking.... about anything really, just life and why im here, like what is the point to life? You are born, you do what ever you really want to do, but for what? why do you bother to do anything, because everythign you do will mean absolutely nothing. Honestly, what effect on this world, planet, galaxy whatever, what did you do to fuckign change anything? Nothing! theres no point, anything extraordinary or anythign you do, means nothing, once your gone, what else matters/ what else happens, you dont know... soo lost...huh, I cant wait for work in a couple of hours, I kinda wanna confront my fears and just go and talk to her, apologize again, but really gotta say some things, it could just be me, but I guess I really gotta talk to her about some things... Some things just should be known...uh, so how was my first night on Acid? huh, it wasnt what I expected at all! I thought it would be more trippin out and seeing soem crazy jazz!!!! but no, its like E except a bit different. I dunno, I cant really explain it, but lets just leave it at its not what I thought. I guess it'd be ok if you were in the right atmosphere, which I think im getting into now, im just becoming one with what ever im doing, and right now its typeing, and im doing a not too shabby job, considering I can bearly read, this isnt soo bad at all... Of corse it just random rambles... but atleast I can somewhat control it into words. Anyway.... I dont knwo really what I even started this, I guess it was something to do, its now 2:30, I know I havent been typing for that long, but its just been on random crap, and I bet by now im just repeating it all. Wow its kool, I guess I just realized that im typeing everything im thinking as fast as I can think it right now. So everything i've been thinking is now down on this "web site" that NO ONE EVEN KNOWS ABOUT!:P what the fuck am I doing, no ones even reading this/gonna read it. lol anyway.I hope no one else is coming back here, cuz If I try to go to sleep now im not gonna wanna be woken up. Im really just out of energy, im totally dead right now, usually drugs and shit dont hit me cuz I dont let them, but this is just retarted, like im just giving in I guess, bad night of just nothing going my way, and me finally realizing it. My life has been tumbleing downhill for a long time now, even since grade 8 my lifes just took a noze dive into shit. School just died... oh god dont even start on school, fuck im such an idiot. Im not going to fuckign graduate high school. thats the saddest fuckign thing ever, how fucking dumb do you need to be to fail? 3 fucking years at bluefield and I still dont have a high school education, what a fucking idiot. what the fuck are you going to do with your life? whats your purpose? why see 2morrow? whats there to look forward to?nothings worth it.fuck, I cant fucking believe that, uhh god, girls!!!!! uh, nothing but trouble, I know everyones always told me just cuz I fall for them way too fast and put too much into it. but what can I say? im sorry but I get involved. shit just happens, I cant control how I feel, and I know I shouldnt just cuz.... well fuck ovious reasons, why the fuck should anyone be wiht me either? what the fuck do I have to offer? what can I do for you? Nothing, im sorry but im a mistake in life.well, now after my bathroom brake, no one is up in this house, someone just left. chris is in bed, I think barett is too, but I think im just gonna go to bed. I know i've rambled long enough, so wiht that, I guess I must go., fuck, im gonna go somewere, I may get some subway or something. uhh, well im out, fuck....2:40

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Poster putterupper?

An other work day goes by, wake up at 8, go to work for 9, work till around 11-12 and get a 1 hour break, come back to work till 5, not a bad day, then went to Barett and Chris' place, chilled wiht chris for a while, ohhhh put up some rockin posters EVERYWERE!, in corners, upside down, ceilings, corners, evyerhting they rocked!, but yeah, then barett came home, and he wasnt mad wich was kool, we though he would be because of all the staples, but yeah its all good.... now im at home, its only 10:28, but im kinda tried, prolly cuz Laura was here last night from like 6 till 12, and... WOW, thats all I can really say about that was, WOW!!!!, yeah, well ending on that note im out, l8a days

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Monday night

So I wrote my chemistry exam this afternoon. Thers no way I got that credit! holy shit i'll be lucky to get a 50% on that exam, but anyway, whats done is done, I cant do anything about it now. So I came home to an empty house and a note on counter from my rents reading " your father and I are gone to Halifax to drop Sara off to her flight to Europe. We're going to check in on tony aswell, we'll be back sometime after 12:00, Mom"so thats how awsome my summer started!!!so I waited until Laura came online and I talked to her, told her the good news that I had the whole house to myself until 12, to which its now 12:30 and Laura left maybe 10-20 minutes ago. All and all it was an untopable night! Laura came over and we got to hang out for a good long time, then at around 9ish we went outside for a nice calm "breather" and then came inside made fun of some of my old pictures. then went back downstairs and talked to some ppl on MSN, chilled a bit longer then she went home, all that leaving me here. Wow, I guess im still feelin' it. Well thats all she wrote, L8a days.

Monday, June 13, 2005

Shitty Exams

So my last exam is 2morrow. Damn chemistry, I still don't know why I took it, but oh well, its the end of the year, and I need atleast a 58% on this exam just to get the credit, but the good thing is everyone is rooting for me, including my crazy ass teacher Mr. Theirocaugh(how ever you speel his name). Hes one crazy mofo, but i'll not get into that. But yeah, Laura helped me study all night 2night... well by all night I mean from 6:30ish till nowish(10:ish) but I bet around an hour or so of that wasnt really studying chemistry.... i'll leave it at that. But yeah after 2morrow im done of high school, well if I pass of corse, but heres to hope... L8a day.