Don't know what up or down right now....

6:01AM, on Sunday January 18th.... I should be sleeping right now,,, cuz I need to get up for like 5:30AM on monday morning... make breakfast and get a cab by 6:30.... but before all that can happen, I must do all my laundry... pack cloths for 7 days... shave... pack my whole kit... bring my safety books(to brush up on for the long drive)... so yeah,,, then its off on the road job... I'm really looking forward to this shit... but anyway, b-rad is on his way down here to smoke a doobie. so with that I'm done...

a night of realizations.....

So yeah... heere it is,,, only 8:51 PM, on saturday January 17th/09..... And yeah, I just came to realize this one thing.... I'm kinda thinking this.... My heart tells me one thing... and my mind another.... and as hard as Im try,,, its still the brain that makes the most sence... its the best thing to do,,, but it hurts soo bad.... I know its the right thing to do... but it hurts me soo bad.... but the self sacrafise is the one that has to be made.... Anyway, i'll try to elaborate on this later.. but for now I must intertain my guests.... l8a days,,,,

FUCKING SHIT

Damnit man,,, I wish I had one little clue of what I am going to do.... like shit dude, its rough,, I have no idea what I should do..... I know I want to go back to PEI soo bad... I just don't know if I should go right away.... I know PEI isn't going to be all that I want it to be... but really, I know I'll be happier there,... even if I'll only be making half the money.... I don't even care anymore... I just wanna go there and live.... I dunno, Hopefully when my bro gets in 2morrow he'll let me know what he's doing,,, cuz that would really help out alot!!!

anyway fuck.. I just had to add something.. I know I'm going to try to result to coming here to write how I feel instead of trying to keep it inside... so hopefully some usefully info will come of these blogs... so till later.. maybe a few days from now... L8a Days...

what to do....

Man,,, I hope I get an e-mail from Dave soon... I'd really like to know how the tests went... cuz really,,, I think I wanna move home in early February with Pineau..... I don't even really care bout the money anymore... I just want to move back there, and live there....

uhhh... I can't concentrate right now... I'm going to have to cut this extremely short, but I gotta get to sleep, I have to finish my first aid course tomorrow.... anyway,,, till later... L8a Days...

in the same rut....

Man, I thought that when I came back out here that I'd start making changes and saving money, and ,,, well, following the plan I guess... But now,,, All I want to do is go back.... I'm trying to put pineaus idea of going in early February into perspective.... Although idealy I'd like to wait it out till late may/juneish to drive back with Dave,,, but again,, all that plan depends on Dave... but I should know roughly whats going on after the 8th... the day of his tests... once we figure out whats wrong with him,, I'll start figuring out what I'm going to do.... But shit dude,, i'd really like to just drive back with Pineau in early February... I don't even care that I don't have much money right now... I just want to go back there.... I'm pretty sure all shot with Emily is gone.... I hope its not,, but really, I can't even think about that right now... its really,, out of my control for the time being... I just hope she doesn't totally forget about me... I just have this wierd feeling that something went wrong last time we were together... not sure why...... fuck!, i hope I don't lose her.... but anyway, back to this whole me moving back thing... well i have so many things I need to take care of first.... I'd need to get rid of my van,,, either sell it or ,,, well, get rid of it, lol.... I need to get this wisdom tooth pulled out here while I still have dental coverage...... and well, figure out how I'm going to get all my shit home... But anyway, I should get going... i have to get up at 6AM so I can get to work and take this stupid PPE safety corse 2morrow morning.... so, till the next time... L8a Days...

Back in Edmonton...

Yup... so, I got back yesturday.... my trip back to PEI was.... ... ... hard to describe..... I wasn't really let down,,,, or dissappointed,,, as much as I think I was not fully satistfied..... I dunno, I just think dissappointed sounds so mean, and let down,, well let down isn't so bad I guess.... But really,, the good times there were pretty damn good... Ises night was fucking UNREAL!!! Hanging out with my bro, and all of his friends, as well as my friends... it was pretty sweet.... but it just seemed like I didn't really do much... like I was just sitting at home at my parents house for a fair amount of the days.... I slept there pretty much every single night,,, and woke up at around 11-12-1 every day,,, but I didn't really do much of anything until later in the nights.... but anyway,,, thats not really my point here... my real point here is this....

I realized 2 things while I was on PEI.... 1, I'm really not happy out here in Edmonton,,, not happy at all,,,, and
2. Moving back to PEI is NOT going to solve any of my being happy problems....

So where does that leave me now??? I'm not too sure.... I'm really not,.,, all I'm going to do is pretend to be super happy to everyone at work so they leave me the fuck alone for a while, lol... and try to get super healthy by reducing my smoking,, cutting out drinking,, and trying to cut out caffine,.,, as well as working out more,,, eating better, and try to save as much money doing so....
Anyway, I gotta head out for now... Grocerie time.... L8a Days...