Tuesday, November 25, 2008

said I'd be back soon...

Yeah, so I just got off work a few hours ago,, Yeah, I stayed till 2... had a boring slow slow night, but I stayed the night.... started out in PTA doing some shitty shitty grinding work,... after and hour I made the excuse to go back to the Spray booth to do Spline mandrels all night... like huge spline mandrels,,, It was alright I guess.. but shit dude that place is going down hill!!! we're not getting any work at all, it fucking blows! And now the most crucial time, just before the holidays, when I really need the cash... Speaking of,,, money sucks!!!,, I know I'm not gonna have as much as I want for this holiday, and I'm not going to have as much as I want by the time I move back to PEI either....

Anyway, I'm kinda getting side tracked here, so I'm just gonna go and have a shower... then head to bed... till the next time... L8a Days....

Monday, November 24, 2008

Bored......

Yeah, well, its 2:44PM on Monday, November the 24th... I've been up since around 11 this morning... went to bed at around 6 something... So I guess I got roughly 4-5 hours of sleep,, but man, it was not good sleep... I'm not sure exactly why, but I've been having so much trouble sleeping lately... I'm sure I could blame it on lots of different things like.. my vacation is only a month away, Work is so shitty and slow right now, This whole Emily thing,,,
Anyway, I really hope work pics up this week, cuz fuck, I think I only had like 20 some hours last week... so , whether or not there's work in the Spray Booth or not, I gotta start working in other departments just to find work.. it kinda blows, but on Thursday last week, I got to run a welder in PTA for the whole night doing one of the most expensive/profitable job in the plant pretty much, which made me feel pretty cool, first time in a while at that place.. like fuck dude, the job I do in the spray booth is so much more intense then people know... Like holding a gun spraying liquid metal at 7000 feet per second is a pretty big rush... plus the fact that your wearing all fire retardent stuff, while constantly under supplied air/airmasks, both custom made ear plugs and ear muffs are required due to extremely high sounds levels..... Its quite intense, I must say,,, and really, I don't get much credit for it!!!, , as of right now, there is only 5 of us in the spray booth, and really only 2 of us are actuelly good workers, and get assigned the hardest work. so I consider myself one of the top dogs in the bussinness, and I get treated like total shit, its fucking lame man,... I'm just hoping that they give me a decent raise this year,.,, I'd be happy if I get the same as last year, but it looks like it wont be half that much,,,, so if thats the deal, I mean have to do some wheelin' and deelin' and see what I can get going... cuz I know I deserve to get as much, and more then some of the dumbasses I work with...

Anyway, I'm done ranting about work.... I have to go there in like an hour, so I'll have to worry bout that shit then, as for now... Ohh shit, look who just signed online... Miss Emily T.... Such weird mixed feelings I have for her these days.... So undecided on what I think about her now.... Honestly I'd love to go on a huge long rant about this whole subject, but unfortunetly my promis to her to not tell anyone is still up there, and I can't even rant on it on this, which blows, but, whatever, .. I'll try to say a few things, but no real details.....
So, I'm pretty much decided that I'm goign to move back to PEI for next summer... Unless some crazy wierd shit happens in the mean time from now to then, I'll be moving back to PEI... And if Em still stays there, which, I'm not sure if she will be or not, (not sure if her not being there is a good or bad thing,, it would pretty much just make a major disicion for me) But really,, think about it... this will be the first time since high school that I'll be living on PEI when she is... and now the way that we are... I'm not sure that if we even saw each other once or twice when I move home... if we could ever really stop? we say we know we can't be together and shit,,, but really, I know we both want it so bad!!!! So, I'm not sure if it could be a good or bad thing? if its what I should do, or just want to do? Its wierd to think, but out of everyone I know, shes most likely the only one I could actuelly see myself spending the rest of my life with. But who knows such things? most certainly not myself.... so really, can I judge this situation now? NO... I just gotta wait and see what happens when/if I move there.

So thats my rant about Em... I could go more on about some other things, but it would be hard to make any sense, and say anything pretty much.... So...

Well, I should give Bey a call... till later... I'll try to post more often, I know I say that every time, but I'm going to really really try this time.... L8a Days...

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Wow, Life took a quick 180

Yup... I'm not too sure how I'm even going to talk about most of this, because I really don't want to reveal the things I heard yesterday... But wow, that just totally caught me off guard...

Man, so ,,, ok, I was sleeping in on Remembrance day and who do I get a call from but miss Emily T. And this has been the first conversation we had in forever. I think the last one we had was something like a month and a bit ago, and it was kinda awkward to what I remember,... SO anyway, we're talking along, like normal I guess, we get into our little debates over stuff that we do and do not agree with, and so on... But then she tells me the wierdest fucking thing ever... of corse I cannot say what she told me, but wow,,, I was just so..... wowow, soo many words, but I can't think of how to describe it... Like in all honesty, I guess it shouldn't of even bothered me, or even really concerned me,,, but I was just,,, disappointed... I guess thats the only way to sum it all up... and its wierd... I think, why am I disappointed in her for doing something???? Do I really have a right to be , not mad, but just let down I guess? Like really, it was all her choice,,, it just seems wierd how we were both so wierdly affected by it... and why does she call me to tell me these things? Why does she call me those odd times to just "talk"? I know we both get something out of it, whether or not its the same thing , I'm not too sure... but really, we talk about mostly anything and everything... she tells me whats up and down in her lilfe, whats bugging her, and I try to help with whatever whitty things come to mind, or my personal opinion... but this time was soo fucked up and different.... like really, I was kinda shocked and impressed, but also dissappointed,... I'm not sure how I managed to mix up those 3 wierdly unsimilar feelings into 1, but really... woww.... I really can't sleep right now because of this whole thing... And as sad as it sounds for me to actuelly lose sleep over it, I know I will ,,, this is really going to be on my mind for the next long while.... And I really don't know how I'm going to make this go away.... like just yesturday... After the phone call, thats still all I could think of... we watched some movies, and TV shows, played some Xbox, had some drinks and smoke... but still all that ran thru my head was her... and this "beautiful mistake".... actuelly,,, its not a beautiful mistake as it is just a mistake..... well,,, as harsh as it sounds, from my perspective it was a mistake, but really, I did not even ask that question... But the absolute worst part about this whole thing is,,, I just don't understand the why... why the fuck did she do it? I was damn sure that she was different... Uhh,, but honestly, why is this such a big fucking deal? I should not be concerned about this! its none of my damn business.... Uhh, I need to find some weed to smoke,,, I may be back later to write something down... I have a feeling I'm going to be using this blog lots in the upcoming months..... Anyway,, till later... L8a days...