Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Wow, Life took a quick 180

Yup... I'm not too sure how I'm even going to talk about most of this, because I really don't want to reveal the things I heard yesterday... But wow, that just totally caught me off guard...

Man, so ,,, ok, I was sleeping in on Remembrance day and who do I get a call from but miss Emily T. And this has been the first conversation we had in forever. I think the last one we had was something like a month and a bit ago, and it was kinda awkward to what I remember,... SO anyway, we're talking along, like normal I guess, we get into our little debates over stuff that we do and do not agree with, and so on... But then she tells me the wierdest fucking thing ever... of corse I cannot say what she told me, but wow,,, I was just so..... wowow, soo many words, but I can't think of how to describe it... Like in all honesty, I guess it shouldn't of even bothered me, or even really concerned me,,, but I was just,,, disappointed... I guess thats the only way to sum it all up... and its wierd... I think, why am I disappointed in her for doing something???? Do I really have a right to be , not mad, but just let down I guess? Like really, it was all her choice,,, it just seems wierd how we were both so wierdly affected by it... and why does she call me to tell me these things? Why does she call me those odd times to just "talk"? I know we both get something out of it, whether or not its the same thing , I'm not too sure... but really, we talk about mostly anything and everything... she tells me whats up and down in her lilfe, whats bugging her, and I try to help with whatever whitty things come to mind, or my personal opinion... but this time was soo fucked up and different.... like really, I was kinda shocked and impressed, but also dissappointed,... I'm not sure how I managed to mix up those 3 wierdly unsimilar feelings into 1, but really... woww.... I really can't sleep right now because of this whole thing... And as sad as it sounds for me to actuelly lose sleep over it, I know I will ,,, this is really going to be on my mind for the next long while.... And I really don't know how I'm going to make this go away.... like just yesturday... After the phone call, thats still all I could think of... we watched some movies, and TV shows, played some Xbox, had some drinks and smoke... but still all that ran thru my head was her... and this "beautiful mistake".... actuelly,,, its not a beautiful mistake as it is just a mistake..... well,,, as harsh as it sounds, from my perspective it was a mistake, but really, I did not even ask that question... But the absolute worst part about this whole thing is,,, I just don't understand the why... why the fuck did she do it? I was damn sure that she was different... Uhh,, but honestly, why is this such a big fucking deal? I should not be concerned about this! its none of my damn business.... Uhh, I need to find some weed to smoke,,, I may be back later to write something down... I have a feeling I'm going to be using this blog lots in the upcoming months..... Anyway,, till later... L8a days...


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