LIFE FUCKING SUCKS!!!

Man, I'm honestly hoping for death to hit me fucking fast!@!!!! Man, I can't fucking put up with this fucking shit any fucking more!!! If its not fucking money issues or work problems, its my fucking roomates, or shit going wrong back home on PEI... Like, I just cant fucking deal with this shit any fucking more!!!,, I've been this weird sick for the past like 2 days now and all I wanna do is curl over and die!!! I've dropped down from 155 to 135 in like a month!!!!,,, I never had fucking money because i've been trying to save for these fucking trips home, and now everyones going to be pissed off at the fact that I can't come home for Jeff and Katelynns wedding,... meanwhile I'll be stuck out here in shitty fucking Edmonton on hollidays (because I can't cancel them once they're booked) with fucking nothing to do!.....
Uhh god, I just have nothing going for me right now.... like, I never want to do anything, and nothings good enough..... I don't know what the fuck is up, but I really can't fucking stand this life anymore,,, either I need to find and do something else, or just fucking end it now... fuck this shit man, its not fucking worth anything!!!! Uhh, I just wish I had a fuckload of weed, cuz I'm going to need it to get by these holidays coming up.... till fucking later, if so. l8a fucking days

Teri

Man that chick is friggen awesome!! Like I was just sitting here, waiting for my videos to upload onto Facebook and Youtube.... and all I could think of is how wicked Teri is.... Like, the whole trip to Banff was fucking amazing!!! And the trip to Jasper... And Camping this past weekend.... and well,,, pretty much any and every time I'm with her.... Like, stuff just feels right when we're together... I think she thinks the same... but man, ,,, she's just so fucking wicked that you just want to hang around her!,,, shit, I could go on for a while here, but unfortunately I'm running late, so till later... L8a Days...

What a shitty Day....

So, shit, man, where do I start here??? Well, I guess I woke up early this morning because I had the bright idea to get up nice and early to start the day, and maybe go to work early..... So I wake up at around noon, and J-rod tells me the Landlord called, and he's coming over tomorrow.... So we both go in a shit fit and start cleaning shit as fast as we can..... Do that for a few hours until we go to work to which we all get totally bitched out for stupid shit!!! then after the fucking hour long meeting is done, Cory asks me to stay and talk to him for a bit..... So we start talking and he pretty much bitches me out!! like totally bashes me and tells me that I should be the one everyone looks up to, and I should be the one solving the problems on night shift, not causing them... just a whole bunch of shit,,, then at the very very end of it all, he asks me if I want to be the lead hand on night shift or not.... And I told him that I used to want it, but I wasn't so sure anymore... and that I had a lot of shit on my mind right now,,, like in my personal life.... and I do... to which I'm going to explain now.....

So,,,, Our lease is up in October.... My brother's coming back in August and he kinda wants to move out with me...and really, I kinda wanna move out with him too,,, but I've also been thinking as of lately, that I'd really really like to move out with Teri.... Now its going to be hard I understand, but I think I would really like to do it..... But its going to be hard to convince her that its the right thing to do... Plus if I move out of the place I'm at now,, I'll have to get my license and a car anyway,,, just for transport.... that is if I stay at Inotec... because as of lately, I've been thinking really hardcore about quitting that place, and maybe going to the military.... but the only bad thing about that is, Teri said she would break up with me if I did the military thing... which would suck so bad, because I'm not willing to give Teri up right now...she's too good for me to let her go..... Anyway, I should stop before I get too into this...But point of the story is,,, I really do love her.... I just hope that I don't realize that before its too late.....
L8a Days...

Camping Weekend...

Wow man, what a fucking awsome weekend!!!! shit dude, it was the Inotec Annual Camping trip this past weekend, and man it was the shit!!!! fuck dude, we had such a good time.!!! lots of shit happened, lots of fun stuff, camp fires, sumo suits, dunk tanks. lots of drinking... it was a great time,, but I don't really feel like talking about it now, so i'll update later 2night after work... till then ... L8a Days...

Lost......

So... Where to start here..... Well,,, J-Rod and I had a little talk while I was cooking my supper this morning and he made some really really good points that I've been pondering about for all this time now... He was going on about how he's not going anywhere at work... which is true, and its also true for me.... (down point#1) Then he started going on about how work is pretty much our lives at the moment(which is very true considering we left PEI life(where we had lives) to move to Edmonton where we knew no one, and just work... that's all we do,,, and we're also on night shift which means we do nothing during the days...... so the only time we actually have to our selves is the weekend, to which there's usually a whole bunch of people over.... So Needless to say, I totally understand where J-Rod's coming from on that whole subject... and it got me thinking on what the I'm going to do with my life.... Like honestly... where am I going in life??? I have a wicked girlfriend that could very well go somewhere if only I would pursue it.... a job to which, if I really did make a big big effort, I could go somewhere with it,,, but really, I don't think I want to do it for the rest of my life... It's just not the job for me..... All this, and our lease is up in less then 3 months.... Fuck man.... what to do , what to do......

Then the thought hit me while I was in the shower.....Something that's been there all along I just never got serious about it.... But if I were to join.... I'd lose Teri.... She told me already if I joined the military that it would be the end of us..... But seriously,,,, I think that the military would be the place for me.... Just the lifestyle of it... the physical aspect... I dunno, its just something that I want,, and think I can handle, I'm just too fucking .... I don't know, something... lazy/unmotivated...I dunno man. I know there's no life for me on PEI... its just .... I dunno man, I need to have some money, so I need a fairly good job, that's the only reason I'm still at Inotec... I mean 23 $ an hour is pretty damn good..... I'm not going to pass that up unless its for something really good that I want!!! Maybe if I were to join the military here in Edmonton for a while... see how it goes... if I don't like it, either I look for something else, or go back to Inotec for a while till I figure out something new that I want to try.... . Fuck, its just so hard to pick something to do and stick with it for a long time... Cause yeah, sure things are all fun and games when you start out,.,, but things always get dull and repetitive over time.... You get tired and bored of the same thing and have to move on...... until you find that special something, that something that drives you... I need to find that something! .... Or maybe that special something is right under my nose..... Hopefully time will tell... Till later,,. L8a Days...

Sunday night....

Yet again, another good weekend... shit , where do I start here... well, Lets try Friday.... so Teri called me on Thursday morning, and we talked a few little things out, but I was still very nervous of how everything was going to turn out..... So Friday morning how do I wake up? I hear my door open, so I check, and there's Teri.... She crawls into bed with me, and work seriously took like half an hour to resolve everything.... Like, wow... I really thought that she was super pissed off and stuff, but she was totally cool about the whole thing... we worked stuff out so its "not quite as serious as before"... Now, its kinda hard to explain fully the situation.... but mostly its pretty much exactly like before, except..... I dunno, not quite as serious, lol, I don't know how else to describe it.... But its all good, Because I know we still both really like each other, and care for each other... I mean, just last night when Teri and Zoa dropped me off at home... Teri said she was tired, so I offered for them to stay here for the night(which I didn't think she'd ever do, but am really glad she accepted...) So yeah, she said yes, so I set up a little fold out bed we have,,, put a fitted sheet on it,, and set it up at the end of my bed.... Felt really cool to be honest... just to kinda feel like I was actually a dad... ya know... Like, this is what it'd be like to have your own child.... and what was even cooler(yeah I know its kinda weird that I think this is cool, but it just felt really neat!!!!) At around 4AM, after roughly 4ish hours of sleep(Teri got Zoa to sleep at around 12 midnight...) Zoa wakes up and starts crying,... like, not too loud or anything serious,,, Probably just to see if Teri came... But of course she did, Teri woke up in like 2 seconds, and gets Zoa, and all I hear is "Is it OK if Zoa sleeps with us?".... So of course I'm like " for sure, she just has to stay between us" Which was the whole reason we put her on the floor in the first place(because children under 3 aren't supposed to sleep on water beds, its actually written on mine...) But yeah, so I was thinking " Of course she can sleep with us,, she's probably just uncomfortable sleeping at someone else house, plus maybe a nightmare or something,,, I dunno, but it was cool for her to sleep with us.... And yeah... that was the cool part really I guess.... It was just like a classic parent/child thing... I dunno why, but it just felt really cool.... like, Teri and I in bed, Zoa has a nightmare and asks to come sleep with us for the night... I dunno, it'd be cooler if we had our own house and a huge master bedroom and stuff... but still it was pretty cool.....
But yeah, wow, that was a nice little ramble about Saturday night/Sunday morning..... Then Sunday Day.... Well that was pretty sweet too....

So Scotty asks Jake and I if we want to go out to his rents place on Sunday to chill around, smoke a bit, check out his rents party boat and stuff... so we go, and man... Scotty's rent's place is so fucking sweet man! Like fucking amazing!!! and the view!!! shit dude!.... But yeah, so then we go down to the dock on the water and Scotty starts taking the boat out... and man, this thing is fucking sweet!!!! like FUCKING SWEET!!! So we went out on that thing for a few hours or so, got some wicked sun,,, kinda burnt a bit, I'll probably feel it tomorrow...... Then we shot off some paint balls with his new gun... Then... get this... after we do all this stuff, on the drive home Scotty's like... OK guys.... I wanna buy a TV, but its gotta be less then a grad..... so we stop by Best Buy on the drive back, and pick out this wicked 37' TV man.... it was fucking sweet!!!!! Then we got back to his place, and set it up and played some Lost planet, that was pretty fucking cool too man!!!
But that's about it I guess for now... I'm going to try to start making more use of my time now by actually starting to work out and stretch and shit again.... Hopefully see where it goes.... Anyway, till later... L8a Days...

Update...

So, its now Monday, July 9th... and wow, what a fucking weekend..... Shit man, Where to start....OK,,, so Thursday after we got home from work at 8AM... (nice little 16 hour day again... cmbination of last week, I had 32 hours in 2 days... sweet eh)I went to sleep till around 5PM to which Teri Calls me and says shes not coming over that night because some of her friends from away are in town and she wants to see them and stuff.. so thats cool, I figure I'll just see her 2morrow... So anyway, we start our night like normal, with lots of drinks and some smoke.... People are coming over and stuff... Then Teri calls and says shes can come over for the night... So of corse I'm all over that, I mean, I love when she comes over and I want her to come over as much as she can... But she says shes' tired and prolly wont' be up long... I'm cool with that, and we went to bed pretty early.... Now this is where things get kinda fucked up... Now I was a little drunk, But I really don't remember anything bad happening that night... But when we woke up in the morning, she got all ready to leave and stuff, then she just asks me stuff like, so you really like me and stuff... and ofcorse I do, and I said I did.. and she said she didn't beleive me... Then when she was just about to leave she says "do you not even care about me anymore" So I said "Come on Teri, do you really think I don't care about you?" And she didn't even answer me,,,, she just walked out the door.... So really I don't know what to think here... I mean, I don't think that I did anything rong... and if I did, I have no idea what it is..... (Maybe...MAYBE, because I forgot to set the alarm that morning.... Like really, I'm sorry, but both of us really forgot.... But theres no way she can be mad at that... like that mad over something soo small??? No, its gotta be something else..... Anyway So that was Friday night, kinda ate away at me all weekend... but I tried not to let it show.... Anyway

Saturday night was UFC.... Now I got Josh's projector from him for the week... so UFC was AWSOME!!!! Got all of us right into the mood, So ofcorse I got Jake to spar with me, which was sweet, it turned out to be a pretty damn good fight to watch.... Yeah I got it all on tape and edited it all up and shit... its on Youtube and facebook right now, so yeah, Saturday was really sweet.. Then Sunday was the relax and recooperate day.... Holy fuck did I ever need it! My neck and arms, and back, everything was fucking sore!!!!

So yeah, that was my weekend.... and now its Monday,,, and I'm kinda worried bout Teri.... Cuz I really think this could be it,,, I don't know why,,, I just have a really bad feeling.... and its shitty because this is tottally going to fuck me over for a while,,,, I can see it... I don't know what it is,,, but this isn't going to end well..... I really hope it doesn't end here... but I don't know man, something about the way Teri was acting on Friday night and Saturday morning when she left man... it was just wierd... like there was something else wrong.... She really just didn't seem like herself..... I dunno, maybe I'm blowing this all out of perportion, and shes not really mad... or I dunno... I just hope things get better... I hope neither of us do anything stupid to jeoperdize what we have going.... anyway,,,, I'm going to start making some food for work 2night... till later... L8a Days...

MY EYE!!!!

Fuck,! so shit dude,,, its now like 9:16, but at like 4:30(half an hour into work) I get something in my eye,,,, so I go to the bathroom and check it out... Yup huge piece of metal in it!, like right on the color part of my eye... So I go to the hospital, wait for around 2ish hours for the doctor, he gets it out... then I come home and get royally baked!!

Wow, that was last night... I managed to forget about the blog, and just go to bed but antyway, I have a few things to report... J-ROD is and IDIOT!!!! Fuck dude!! So yeah, the whole my eye incident happened yesturday and just as James dropped me off at home, I ask him(mental note that this is the last thing I said to him) Can you make sure J-Rod gets my energy drinks and brings them home? James says ok no problem, so I figure sweet!, no one will drink them.... But of corse its not James that I had to worry about... he told J-Rod to bring them home... and yet, this morning when I see J-rod, what does he say when I ask him if he brought my energy drinks home last night? Oh yeah, I forgot man,,,, Like holy fucking shit! that guy fucking forgets everything!!!! Man, he forgot to turn the cooling on when he was spraying his peice, not once but TWICE!@!!!! Broke the machine both times, 1500$$ to replace BOTH times!!! Like how the fuck can anyone trust him with anything!?!?!?! Ohh yeah, and remember that time I was pissed at him because he "charged" me like 15 $$ for 2 fucking energy drinks!?!??! Well, he went to the same place we ALWAYS go, and how much were they yesturday?!?! the SAME FUCKING AMOUNT THEY ALWAYS ARE!!! 2 for 5$~!!! seriously, how the fuck did he think that I wouldn't notice that i'm short 2 energy drinks and have to pay 10$ extra? So what did I do to combat the situation this time??? Got him to bring me the mother fucking receipt! Eat it whore!!!@! Fuck, dude, that guy pisses me the fuck off... then on Tuesday at work, I ask him if he wants to stay late.... hes' like, well how late... so I told him straight up, that I was staying till 7:30AM and I would take Jakes car home... he was like, ohh man I think thats why I'm soo stressed lately... I was like. Why?!?!?!! and he says it was because of all this "spur of the moment" stuff.... DUDE!!! Staying late at work is causeing you stress??? when you do it under your own free will??? Like what the fuck??? Anyway, I'm going to stop talking about this stupid mother fucker before I get too carried away here... so till he pisses me off again, or I find something else to bitch at... L8a Days