Realizations.....

Ya know, sometimes I really think I'd be better off dead! I really do. I'm accomplishing nothing, and I'm on my way to do nothing for,, well a long time.... Like really, I don't know WHAT to do. It feels like this life in Edmonton is over.... It really does,... Everything I planned to do, and have done is gone.... I came here with J-Rod over a year ago to start new things,,, start a life, and to start establishing my own stuff, and really just getting my life on a good roll... and for a time things were good,,, even met a wicked girl, got pretty damn close, thought things were going somewhere,,, then everything just fell apart!!!! Full out man,, like royally just crashed!!@!! J-Rod left, I lost Teri... Where does that leave me? exactly where I started last year.... I guess it just feels like I'm stuck in a rut... And I can't seem to see an exit anywhere!!!?!?!!?Fuck man,,, my bro was talking last night about possibly going out to the camps up north till christmas, then saving the money he made up there, and buy a vehicle down here, and drive back to PEI for Christmas... and ya know, if he does that,,, I may just go with him.... It's just a question of whether or not I take all my stuff and don't come back or not...

Yo know, I've been sitting here thinking for the past say half an hour or so... and I just proposed a question to myself, that I cannot answer... and its really sad to think that... The question is "Whats the most important thing in your life?" .... ..... I'm fucking dumbstruck!. I really don't know what I have to live for, or what I want to do with my life... even if I had an idea of what I want to accomplish, or even something to try,,, maybe that would give me some bit of optimism....

I don't know, maybe I'm just over analyzing everything, and I should just forget everything thats happened, and I should just "enjoy life" how it is, and not plan anything, and just live for the moment day by day....
Uhhh, I don't know what to do,,, I'm gonna, go.