Still confused....

So I called Teri 2day... God damnit I was soo nervous for some reason,,,,, but anyway, I hope she can come over 2morrow night.... although I have no idea what I'm going to say!!! I've been thinking all night at work, and ever since I've been home, and I'm still not sure what I'll say... Like... If we were to break up,,, I wouldn't want to stop seeing her all together... I'd still really want to be her friend,,, i'd like to see her every now and then... I don't want her to disappear out of my life... Man, I would really love to just move out with her, but not as the father figure,,, ya know..?? Like, if we doesn't move to Nanaimo, , and she does stay here, I'd like to live with her and Zoa!!!,,, I think it would be ok if we did it as "room mates" instead of "family",,, I know its unfair to ask, its just I'm not ready for that family thing yet,,, but I still want to be with her... and I really really want to help support her! She deserves better!!! Really she does, that's why I wanted to try to support her,, realy help her... But I can't help anyone,,, I always manage to fuck good things up.... I should just get a tattoo on my forehead.... STAY AWAY!,, IDIOT AT WORK!... LIke fuck dude, I always fuck everything up... and this was going really really fucking well too!!! I just don't know how everything went from being so fucking great, to us being broken up.... like, in 1 day... how? How can I fuck shit up that badly in 1 day? You know, she's always said that she doesn't deserve me... but wow, is she totally wrong,,, its the total opposite!!! I don't deserve a perfect woman like her... She's what every man would want... The perfect wife.... But why can't I take it??? Why the fuck can't I fulfill this role as father? I want to, I really do,,, and I've been thinking more and more on it,,, Like, I know I'll never do all these crazy things I've been thinking about for years (joing gymnastics, take the bronnikov thing, start some martial arts training...) I'll just never do them on my own... Atleast if I have a family, I'll be settled down, and can start building on what I want to accomplish,,, with full support and back up from my wicked wife, and family.... I don't know why I can't just settle on this, and do it!!! I so fucking want to!!! and Teri would be the most perfect to do that with... I just know it, we get along too well to fuck things up!!! I realy think if I could commit to this, we could definetly make it work!!! Uhh, I'm getting tired, and worked up... I'm heading to bed... L8a Days...