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Man.... I don't even know where to start here... Like, so much has happened in such little time,... Well... ... ... ... .. Why is it so hard to commit to something?? Why is it that I always manage to fuck things up? ? I just wish I knew if I was ready for this or not?? I know I've been the asshole to tell her that I was... and fuck, I REALLY DID MEAN IT!!!! I was damn sure that I could, Everything was set, We even decided to go check out houses to rent... And I think thats pretty much when it hit me... It really really hit me... Just like., everything came flowing to me... Every little thing of what it would be like to live as "A Father" with a family, in a house and everything... Like , ,, I don't know why,,, I was so fucking sure that if I could get that, I'd fucking go for it and stick with it!!! and now... I'm shaking just thinking about it.... for some reason I'm so fucking scared to do it.... I know how bad of a person I am to do that to Teri, but I honestly did not plan this!! I did not want to do this to her,,and I'm so sorry,,, I just need some time to think.... I don't want to end it!!! I DO NOT WANT TO END THIS!I just need to think of what I need to do,,, and how to do it, and actually start doing it!!!! Fuck,... I don't know what the fuck to do! I even tried talking to my parents, (to which they tried, they really did try,, but man, they have no idea how to handle a situation that I'm in.... No idea!!!! but anyway, atleast they have some idea of whats going on in my life now....

I wrote all that last night, around 11:30PM,,, I had to stop because there was some ppl around, so... maybe I"ll finish this sometime when I know what to do...