Monday, October 03, 2005

I dunno, lots of topics....

ok, so its now 4:14 AM, and I just realised why I used to smoke soo much weed soo often.... I cant sleep. I havent really really tried, but im kinda wide awake, I've watched a couple movies and some Whose Line is it anyway to pass some time, and all I am now, is bored. Well, sorta, im listening to music now which is cool, but I really just cant stop thinking about stuff... Stuff = Laura. This is stupid, I know I have to go to Alberta, and she knows I have to go. Yet I really dont want to for the soul reason of her. Uhh, no more fucking thinking about it. im going and thats final.So yeah. there, its done, and thats all I can do.
So yeah, Laura came over 2night, and for the first like hour it seemed, we were silent. We didnt really speek at all... Then all of a sudden she looked at me and said she was trying soo hard. I didnt understand at first, but then it happened.Like... wow, I really did not know she cared that much for me. I know shes told me before how much she likes me and stuff, and I believed her, but I really did not see this. I know she thinks shes making things worse, but really, Im soo glad she told me all the things she did, because wow, I just did not know she cared that much. Now I know that she does love me as much as I love her. And really... thats a great feeling. as sad as it is that im leaving, I couldnt be more happy about our situation because the second I get out there and I start to miss home, thats all I'll think about. Laura. She is the only thing I like about this stupid Rock I call home. And she will be the only reason I come back. Anyway, I could talk all day and all night about Laura, so I guess I should get on to other things that have been bothering me...
I put my CBR ring on my lip, and man I miss having my lip pierced!!! When I get out West and get that job that Daves talking about im gonna ask if they'll allow me to have my lip pierced, and if they say yes, im gonna get my lip redone when I come home at christmas. Cuz man I love them soo much!!!I miss the pain of them, and the satisfaction of them... I guess I just really miss them in general!, Fuck I cant even remember my last one, well I guess it was my nipples. Jesus, that was During basketball season in March I think. So yeah, if I am allowed to get piercings, I'll prolly go crazy with them just cuz I'll be able to. Like i've always wanted to get both side lips pierced, my toung done a couple more times, the cheeks(both of corse) and inner eyebrows. Well I think thats all I really want for now, but im sure i'll think of others when/if I get them all. But yeah, this will all be after I finish my left arm tattoo. Once thats done, I'll get the right side, then my left calf. So I figure that should take a good while to do, prolly a good couple months of solid saving money. Anyway, these are just things that I want to do, and I figure why the fuck not? If im up there for the next "year" or so, well till summer, then all I'll be doing is the same thing as here(fucking nothing, just working and living) but i'll be making double the money(literally)so it'll be very possible.
SO I just checked on my ninja boots, and theres only 18 hours left and Jeffs still the higher bidder=], FUCK YEAH!!!!, the only bad thing is that thats an extra prolly 60$ or so bucks that I gotta spend. Although I've always wanted some, its 60$$ish dollars I shouldnt be spending. But I've been doing really well not to spend much money. I spent5bucks today on pizza, and thats prolly the first bit of money i've spent in a good week or so, so as long as I limit myself and dont spend money on needless shit I should be fine. But I do need to buy Laundry Detergent. I prolly have enough for maybe 3 more loads. So that should be it, and my fucking Electricity bill, But other then that, I have nothing else to pay for, I paid rent, Internet, and my phone bill all already, and I have around 550$. Plus we get paid this friday, and tips this sunday, so.... I should hopefully have close to a grand in the bank by this time next week.
Ohh poor Laura, She left here and said she was going home to try to get some sleep, but I bet she didnt get to bed yet. Well maybe by now, but she prolly took a really long time to fall asleep. Fuck, why do I have to hurt more fucking ppl. This is exactly why I shouldnt get involved wiht anyone under any cercumstances. If I dont do something stupid to fuck it up, Well, i'll just do something even stupider to fuck it up worse, LIKE MOVE AWAY!!! What the fuck am I thinking? I finally have someone who really cares for me and what do I do? Fuck it up by leaving... and why? just cuz I make things look a shitload worse then what they are? Really, my life is not as shitty as im making it out to be. Honesly, I have it not too bad, so I have to bike a little ways to work every day. I have a steady job(it may suck dick, but who likes their job? And it may be stressfull as hell, but thats what it comes down to so theres not a thing I can do about it) A Fantastic girlfriend, and some pretty cool roommates. All im really missing is my friends. And man do I ever miss those guys. Fuck I wish I knew what happened with them, But therse no looking back now, When I leave Im not gonna say a word to any of them, see how long it takes them to realise im gone. I bet they'll have no clue for around 2-3 maybe more months. Seriously tho, they havent tried to contact me in anyway for weeks now, and before that it was prolly months. So really if I dont go on MSN they'd never have any reason to believe I was alive let alone still on PEI. Seriously tho, the one really good friend I'll miss will be Pat, hes the only one whose really actuelly called me before and tried to contact me to just hang out. As for Jamison, lol, im not even gonna start, the only time I see him is when I go to the movies or randomly run into him. ANd Jarod, well Im kinda happy for Jarod, hes doing pretty well for himself, I understand how he doesnt really have time for me cuz hes hardcore with school, and he just moved into town (I think) and hes really being very social, every time I hear from him hes with these ppl, or he did this or that last night and met this person and that person. So good for him really. I just miss him thats all, and all the times we've had. But hey, thats all behind me now. What I have now is new times in a new city with my brother. And that guy has been there for me since before I could walk. No one has my back like Dave does, He'll always be there for me, as much as I've said I'll never rely on anyone but myself, he would be my only real weekness. Besides Laura of corse, but you know what I mean...
Well, its almost 5, uhh, I really dont knwo what im doing still... I was gonna wait till sunrise and go look for some shrooms, which I still may do if im awake by then, but I think I should try to get some sleep. I dont really want to , but theres not much else to do. Really, what the hell. This is why I miss Dave being on PEI, fuck it didnt matter what time it was He'd always be up. And willing to go for a nice little nature walk... Uhh, man I cant wait to see him again.
So I made an other promis 2night. Fuck. I dont make promises, damnit its just something I dont do. But she is the only one who can make me do anything... And it was a promis I did not want to make, but really, I couldnt say no. Especially not to her. but hey, it'll definetly help me out, Now theres no way I can do it. Only she knows what Im talking about, and im glad.... Anyway, yeah, its really time to sleep, so I guess till 2morow, L8a Days... 4:57AM


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