Long time.. but one focus...

Yeah,, I know,,... Its been forever... but I just wrote this crazy write up,, and I have to put it down somewhere... so here it is... I haven't edited it at all,,, so yeah,,, here goes... Hopefully I'll read this 2morrow when Im sober.. see if it helps/hinders me at all...

ITs 4:25AM,, I just got in from Chillin with Emily for the past 2 hours... we

talked about alot of shit!!! It started off with us being all like "lets talk

to each other like friends,, not as ex bf/gf shit. but just friends.. So that

went well for a little bit...

I really don't know what to think... Like I saw this coming and I thought about

it alot... but now that I have the confermation,,, its just shitty... like I hate

to think about something,,,, but to find out its true,,, thats just not right!!!

I feel soo shitty right now...It just doesn't make sense!!!! I saw all of this

coming... and it still isn't making anything easier or better...

I also leanred that Emily and I are done.. and will be done forever.. she made it

very clear that this was our one and only shot.. and now its done... we're done

and we will never have another chance to try again...

I guess its nice to know for sure... because we've both wanted to beleive that

it could/would work... but both knew that it wouldn't.... now just to know that

we can't keep doing it anymore... We're done.... We just have to move past it

and realize that its not meant to be...

Anyway... I think we talked about alot of other stuff.. but now thats all I can

think about... its just wierd to take it all in now.. Cuz she's obviously has

been thinking this way for a while now... but me,,, its just been speculation..

but for her to confirm it... Yeah... I just feel empty.... wow... And she was

soo surprisingly strong about the whole thing!!! like shit... it seems like this

hurt me a million times more then it hurt her!!! And thats just not what I

expected at all!!! I was hoping that this would be pretty easy to get over..

and I could get past it fairly quickly... And now look at me... its been over

a month,,, and Im just now getting to the real truth.Im still hung up on her...

she's past me already,,,, and Im still hung up.... ..

I feel like I need to puke.... what an awful feeling!!!!

I guess I should go to sleep.... its 4:45 AM... kickboxing at 1... that should

be interesting.... Lets see what Emily has to say 2morrow.... Too bad I was the

drunk one, and she was semi sober....

Fuck it... Glad I wrote this down...

There goes... Good night!!!!

Fuck