Sunday, February 06, 2011

Long time.. but one focus...

Yeah,, I know,,... Its been forever... but I just wrote this crazy write up,, and I have to put it down somewhere... so here it is... I haven't edited it at all,,, so yeah,,, here goes... Hopefully I'll read this 2morrow when Im sober.. see if it helps/hinders me at all...

ITs 4:25AM,, I just got in from Chillin with Emily for the past 2 hours... we
talked about alot of shit!!! It started off with us being all like "lets talk
to each other like friends,, not as ex bf/gf shit. but just friends.. So that
went well for a little bit...
I really don't know what to think... Like I saw this coming and I thought about
it alot... but now that I have the confermation,,, its just shitty... like I hate
to think about something,,,, but to find out its true,,, thats just not right!!!
I feel soo shitty right now...It just doesn't make sense!!!! I saw all of this
coming... and it still isn't making anything easier or better...

I also leanred that Emily and I are done.. and will be done forever.. she made it
very clear that this was our one and only shot.. and now its done... we're done
and we will never have another chance to try again...
I guess its nice to know for sure... because we've both wanted to beleive that
it could/would work... but both knew that it wouldn't.... now just to know that
we can't keep doing it anymore... We're done.... We just have to move past it
and realize that its not meant to be...

Anyway... I think we talked about alot of other stuff.. but now thats all I can
think about... its just wierd to take it all in now.. Cuz she's obviously has
been thinking this way for a while now... but me,,, its just been speculation..
but for her to confirm it... Yeah... I just feel empty.... wow... And she was
soo surprisingly strong about the whole thing!!! like shit... it seems like this
hurt me a million times more then it hurt her!!! And thats just not what I
expected at all!!! I was hoping that this would be pretty easy to get over..
and I could get past it fairly quickly... And now look at me... its been over
a month,,, and Im just now getting to the real truth.Im still hung up on her...
she's past me already,,,, and Im still hung up.... ..
I feel like I need to puke.... what an awful feeling!!!!

I guess I should go to sleep.... its 4:45 AM... kickboxing at 1... that should
be interesting.... Lets see what Emily has to say 2morrow.... Too bad I was the
drunk one, and she was semi sober....

Fuck it... Glad I wrote this down...

There goes... Good night!!!!


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