1 Day left....

Yeah, so its now officially Wednesday January 3rd at 4:00AM.... I can't sleep.... Its wierd, I've been on the island for a good 2 weeks now, and here it is the day before I leave, and feels like I didn't do anything... Like really, I didnt see as many of my friends as I wanted to. And the sad part is, I had no excuses not to go see them... Fuck, anyway, I guess I am glad that I'm heading back soon, I mean life is just soo much simpler out there. Theres no drama of friends with their bfs/gfs, theres no places we cant go because friends are banned from bars, We dont go out to bars for that matter, and really I wont miss that one bit, Bars are not my scene.... But I dunno, I'm always going to miss the people because of the social life it gives me... I miss the interaction between that many friends... And most of all, I'm going to miss the possiblity of seeing Emily any day I want.... Shes going to come over here in 5 hours from now, and honestly I think thats the reason I can't sleep. I went to bed at like 11:30-12ish, and I've been tossing and turning all night, Ihad to get up at 3:30ish there to go outside for a smoke just to try to calm down a bit... But jeeze I just can't stop thinking about her, and it pisses me off, cuz just think if this keeps up in Edmonton, I'll drive myself crazy man, like really. Uhh, I wish I knew what I was supposed to do here.....I know the Edmonton life is easyer, but I don't know if thats what I want to do wiht my life... And if thats not what I want to do, I dont want to waste my time there... as fun as it can be, as good as the money is, its not me. I need to find what makes me happy, and it needs to happen fast. Uhh, I know I could just be happy with Emily, it doesnt matter what I do for a job, or where for that matter, as long as I'm with her I feel right.... Its just too bad its a one way feeling... And really, you can't make someone love you, as much as I think she still does, shes telling herself not to, but I dont know why? I would do anything for her, but its just not enough. Uhh, I just wish ther was a channel on my tv that I could go to just watch her, see how shes doing, I dunno something to just ease my mind about her. But theres nothing, and I know that a girl like her will not stay single long, especially when shes going to a college with all her kind of people. And Im sure shes going to find some guy wiht her exact same interests, and he'll make her happy, but it just can't be real. I want to be that guy. I want to live with her by my side. I can love her more then anyother person on this planet, I know it. All I have to say is, she better not invite me to her wedding if she ever gets married, cuz i'm going to be that person who stands up at that perfect moment to say "STOP!!!, You can't marry this guy because I love you!". Uhh, I dont know, maybe I just obessed, Maybe I'm just looking for something to believe in, or hopefully I'm right and I do actuelly love her,,, Anyway, I dont think I'll ever find out,...
But hey Em...
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Here's To Hope....
Love ya.
L8a Days