Im just a fuckup.....

It doesnt matter what I do.... But I always, ALWAYS manage to fuck everything up. Anything good that i've had is now gone, and I've been the direct cause for everything. I most likely could have gone someweres in sports... but no, I had to fuck that up, fucking drugs took over and I knew it all along, I could have just stopped and been really good at something, but nope, fucked it all up.... I had Amber,, but nope, fucked that up, leanred the hard way to never cheat on a woman. Then Emily... Oh god, I royally fucked up there. Jesus, No wonder I let ppl walk all over me now, im too fucking scared to do anything... And now Laura... Fuck, I had the most perfect woman, and of corse... I fucked it up.... And this has to of had been the dumbest Mother fucking reason in the world!!! Like what the fuck was I thinking!?!?!?! Why would I leave her? cuz I have no friends, and I live far away from work. Thats pretty much it, like, Im moving to Alberta cuz theres nothing for me here.... Well shes here for me. But for some reason I didnt think that was worth enough.... God damnit im soo fucking stupid. I had it all, and now I have nothing. Not a god damn thing.I always said I could make it totally on my own, but this isnt right. I have nothing, theres nothing for me, and I AM NOTHING!!!. Fuck im just a worthless piece of shit wasting space and air. I shoul fucking killmyslef just to save time... Fuck, I am a fucking mistake. I shouldnt be here. Fuck, I hsould have killed myself long ago when I first tried. why the fuck am I still here? all im doing is fucking up everything I get involved with. And now look at me, im just a cheep drunk, and a fucking drug addict. what the fuck is that?!?!?! Im more worthless and handicapt people. ANd Im going straight to hell for it. Fucking worthless... Useless... Waste... Garbage... Lifeless... Pointless........


All I want to do is fucking killmyslf and I cant even fucking do it!!!!I hold knives. I even cut, but its not deep enough.... I know if I take like 15 of the pills that I have It could most likely kill me, but still I dont, and I dont know why.... It could be soo easy to slide that knife arosss, and take all those stupid little bagagde pills, but for some reason, its just soo hard.... Noy anymore..... it is possible. and I willl do it..... I will die, and it will be all my fault, like everything else is...



I love how people think suicide is soo selfish and stupid... FUCK ALL YOU PEOPLE WHO THINK THAT!!!!!!! FUCK YOU ALLLL!!!! IF YOU HAD ANY IDEA WHAT RUNS THROUGH OUR HEADS!!!! IF YOU KNEW WHY WE DO IT, OR WHY WE TRY!!!! FUCK YOU!!!!
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I need to sharpen my blade to my knife, its not cutting as good as the blade I used last time....

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I want to die....